In 1999, solmadr, Rachael and myself went to Victoria for a medieval Easter weekend. I have to say it was one of the most incredibly fun weekends I'd had in a long fucking time.

We left Adelaide at 4pm on Easter Thursday and on the way to Vic had a minor mishap with a kamikaze kangaroo that managed to push the car's bumper bar into the front tyre. We limped to the next township, where the only service station open was full of yobo's and the attendant didn't dare leave the till. So we limped to the next township...where everything was shut.

Pulled the bumper bar out of the tyre sufficiently to get to our destination, a camp site just outside the town of Bacchus Marsh. Now, it's a 9 hour drive to Melbourne, so, in theory, a 7 1/2 hour drive to BM. We left Adelaide at 4pm. We arrived at BM at 5am.

Everyone at the camp was asleep. So solmadr turned up the car stereo and drove over what would be the combat grounds to get to a suitable spot where we could pitch the tents (read, where HE could pitch the tents) and fall asleep.

When Rachael and I got up the next day it was just in time for lunch. We watched melee dark ages combat with solmadr and at lunch made friends with some truly lovely people - Athena, Star, Rob and Egfroth. After lunch, Rachael and I went to pay a visit to the Roman encampment, on the way we saw a Byzantine Easter parade, which was rather cool.

When we reached The Roman Empire *snicker*, we were treated to a delightful spectacle of Roman excess. Imperator Snorrius, God Emperor of the Roman Empire had decreed that there would be a crucifixion that day, and so, we went to the tavern where poor Gross was crucified, covered with a shroud (not of Turin), and had beer poured over him to revive him. Very, very funny.

Dinner that night was great, although we went to sleep early b.c we were all really tired. In the middle of the feast, there was a belly dance display for entertainment.

The next day was more combat watching and lunch, hanging out with the wonderful people we'd met, and then meeting Stefan for the first time, as he'd been speared in the back and lent solmadr his sword as the one E had been using had had it's pommel broken. So E went back into combat and I checked my mobile phone message bank.

Numerous drunken messages from friends back in Adelaide including some delightful news that had the WORST possible spin put on it that had me screeching "WHAT?" at the top of my lungs. Some 200 men and women, smashing into each other with metal weapons heard me. I later discovered, upon my return home, that the message had been blown out of all proportion. Hardly surprising really, given the nature of the person who had left it.

Dinner that night was a loud, drunken affair. I can't really remember what the entertainment was, b.c I was joined by Stefan who introduced himself to me as God. His friend, Colin, also joined us and after about 2 hours and half a case of cider, Stefan told us his real name. We drank so, so much. A case of cider. E swigged down the last bottle of mead to be had in the camp. A bottle of wine. Butterscotch schnaps. Beer. So, so drunk. It was during this marathon consumption of alchohol that E came up with one of the best insults I've ever heard.
E: I'd rather cut it off and be my own eunuch than sleep with that.

There was a butt judging competition, where for the sum of $5, the ladies got to walk up and down the line of men, feeling their butts. Stefan paid for me to be one of the ladies, against my will, (Oh the pain, the pain) and so seven of us did our best and judged away. Can't remember who won, but I remember that it wasn't Stefan and he was enraged. The reason? He had sloppy buns. Given that Stefan's buns could be described as the exact opposite - and he knew it - he was furious. And shouting. With a Scottish accent. Drunkenly. *facepalms*

Stefan: Sloppy? SLOPPY? SLOPPY???? I will smite them all! They will feel my wrath! *shakes fist*
Everyone else: *Hysterical laughter.*

However, that night, I was granted Sainthood by God-Stefan, for which I have a certificate, my three miracles being:
1. The laying of hands upon God's buns.
2. Having most ailments cured by God's hands.
3. Procuring a lock of God's hair.
The last I did with a feasting dagger that belonged to Rachael b.c he didn't think I would. Again, vague recollections of Ev saying "Don't tell her that you don't think she'll do something b.c then she will!"

Next day was fort combat day and we were eager to watch this. E had been accosted by a peasant we used to know who wanted to fight with him, but he had been invited to fight with Grey Co, Stefan and Colin's club, and ignored her entreaties to fight with her, knowing that that way would lead to certain death.

Fort battle was uber cool. It took about 5 hours for the thing to be destroyed. I had three cameras on me - mine, E's and Stefan's, and ran around madly snapping away. Afterwards, we went up to the tavern for drinks and then to the feasting tent where we staked our claim for a table. That night, the entertainment was a bardic and an insult competition. All highly amusing.

Easter Monday was the last day and we got up, packed up the car, and watched a bit of combat as Grey Co. and a few other combatants did a bit of medieval sheep rustling with something large and stuffed and toy-like that resembled a very battered toy dog the size of a pony. I remember talking with Rob, E and Rachael, and seeing Stefan and Colin sneak up behind another peasant we knew, smash him on the head, and run away giggling. (Head shots are death shots.)

After farewells, including a rather affectionate goodbye from Egfroth, we headed up to the car.
Me: Hail, Imperator! I don't know what the Greek is, so forgive me.
Him: You may call me Your Serenity when I'm the Emperor.
Me: Now I'm feeling very serene.
(Egfroth would play the Emperor of Byzantine to Snorri's Emperor of Rome. There was even an exchange of Imperial gifts one night, including Egfroth's gift to Snorri - a loincloth clad slave.)

We left for Adelaide, stopping at Kryal Castle where E got back into armour. We were allowed in for free so we could take some photos in the tacky Victorian tourist attraction which was quite funny.

Got back to Adelaide at midnight and passed out, although I was highly amused and had had an awesome time.

Questions? Comments? Wanna stroke my ego? Then e-mail me.